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it just had to come to this. 

you know what, i don’t think i can ever talk to you again. because you disappointed me, as much as my parents did. 

even after we broke up, i still have to face you questioning me about what i want to put on my fking tumblr. you think you’re the only one that moved on? just one closure blog post FOR MYSELF, and you think i’m the stupid one who can’t let go of you. yeah, i’m a fucking idiot right. ‘holding on’ like a fucking fool, while you can sit there acting aloof and all like, ‘sigh mich, why can’t you just move on?’

just because of one post, you think i’m being selfish to not want you to move on. well dude, i didn’t say shit about what moving on. can’t i help missing you? yeah good for you, you must have moved on so quickly, you can’t understand why i’m ‘clinging on’. 

but last night just proved to me, i’m really fucking stupid. 

stupid for begging you to sleep on the fucking bed when you broke your promise to NOT SMOKE TIME AFTER TIME and chose to self punish yourself by sleeping on the floor WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE BEGGING FOR MY FORGIVENESS.

stupid for allowing you to keep walking away from me, and then getting YELLED AT for walking away ONCE from you. 

stupid for accepting who you were, yet not receiving acceptance in return. 

i don’t know who you are anymore. i don’t know what the fuck happened the past 3 years anymore. oh, don’t like all the ‘fuck’ i’m using? well guess what, I didn’t like it when you did it on me. and yet, i accepted mistake after mistake from you while you railed on me. 

i’m the one chasing after you all the time. but i’m not going to be one anymore. 

love. what a fucking stupid word. makes you blind, makes you stupid. 

i’m not going to be blind anym, i’m not going to be stupid anym. stupid for thinking you were still the person i loved. clearly after we broke up, i’m not important anymore which is about right. how could i be so stupid thinking, we still loved each other while we broke up, it wasn’t like it was a terrible break up so you’d still be somewhat the same with me. 

but no. 

i was clearly mistaken. 

i am such a fucking idiot. 

what was i thinking, going to you and hoping you’d be the same with me. in the end, i got treated like a retard that can’t move on with life. 

i’m going to move on now. so what if we loved each other? to me, it’s okay if we stop. i can still talk to you like how i was before. but to other people clearly, the line’s drawn pretty clearly. 

you were right, i suffered much hurt when i was with you. and it is too late to do shit. because you didn’t do it when it mattered the most. 

i wish my first relationship didn’t have to be like this. but alas, it turned out like fucking shit. i seriously hope i won’t meet anyone that i would like or could love. because i’m just making myself vulnerable again. and fuck all of you who say, that’s how love works~ go get fucked in your ass and stay the fuck away from me. my happiness isn’t going to depend on one person, because no matter how much you loved that person, he’s just gonna fuck it up for you anyw. 

i thought you would have listened, i thought you would have cared. but you just acted so fucking aloof and emotionless, and fed me a bunch of bullshit men always feed to women. 

i was wrong. i don’t know you anymore, and you won’t know me anymore. 

i’ve never felt so fucked up.